halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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