I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
