i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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