dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
