i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize