I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
