just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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