Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
