YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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