I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
