So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
