I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
