Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
