The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I die, sorry about rent.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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