and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
