I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
