fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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