Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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