Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
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Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Pants are for mortals
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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