Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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