eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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