Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
