I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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