Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
