I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
