i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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