Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
