angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
last night I used snow as a chaser
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
