Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
