Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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