Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
