We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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