No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
