My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
