I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
