it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
COCAINE IS GR8
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
