Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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