No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
