I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
