if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
