I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
