you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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