If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
