Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
