If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
