ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
