im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
