the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
