she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
