it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
