Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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