You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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