Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
