I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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