You just made me feel so damn special
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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