Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
