Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
