I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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