filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
