my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I need moral support for this bender
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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